I always said you should lean in a little bit closer

I have so many words in my brain that I would like to communicate to you but somehow the words in my brain are not in English or they are not in Human I don't know. I don't know. I fucking do not know and I feel like if I don't talk about how I can't express these words then I will go crazy. I also feel like I have already gone crazy but I like being this way very much. There is part of me that comes out when i am alone that i dont think anyone will ever witness. fuck grammar right now sorry. i like being by myself because right now i'm alone and i'm perfect. i am not worried or anxious or bored or concerned about my hair that dried in a weird position or my chapped lips so i always bite them or what i look like the clothes i'm wearing what i smell like because i havent showered in days and i know that makes me less attractive to men but at the same time i feel like the man i want would like that about me. i feel like when i dont shave my armpits is when i will find my true love because he would love me for it. is that fucked up? maybe but whatever i have my ways.